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Pages: How does everyone feel about exes? [1]
Author Topic: How does everyone feel about exes?

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2011-02-08 5-29-45-

How does everyone feel about exes? Being 38, I realize anyone I date is going to have history, exes, baggage, whatever. I can accept that, I can even acknowledge that some people remain friends with an ex after the breakup. Personally I have not been able to do this, unless the ex was someone I saw short term or it wasn't that serious or exclusive etc. But that is just me. So here is my issue. My SO of 4 years, and I have been living together for about a year. About every 6 months she would get a from her last bf to say hi. She would tell me he ed or we would be together. The conversations would be brief, "just seeing how you are doing." She has told him that we are living together etc. But in the past 2 months he would more often, under the guise of business oppourtunities. They work in similar fields, but have never done business together. The oppourtunities never came to fruition or even seedling, but I am not jealous so whatever. But recently she thinks it is ok just to talk and be friendly, and is even thinking about going into a business relationship with him, invlolving her grown daughter(long story). Anyway, what bothers me is there was no relationship between them for 4 years, and now all of a sudden there is, and she thinks that is ok. I think it is disrespectful of me. Any thoughts, am I naive or jealous, or are my concerns legitimate?
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2011-02-10 12-24-32

how is it disrespectful? It sounds like she's being honest and straight-forward, I'm not sure why you would feel she is being disrespectful. Why did their relationship end? SO is good friends with of his exes, it doens't bother me, they mutually broke up, nothing ugly, so why wouldn't they want to be friends? Just because YOU can't put aside your bad feeling for an ex doesn't mean its unheard of, your wife sounds like a mature and responsible adult who considers you a partner, any reason to think otherwise?
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  • heagney

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    2011-02-12 4-47-19-

    umm, yes there has been a relationship between them for 4 years. Sure, it was less frequent, because there wasn't much to discuss. However, if your SO's daughter may go into business with this man, there is PLENTY to discuss. He's a friend to her. He's been a friend to her. He'll likely continue being friends with her. He may be a friend her SO's daughter. Friendships evolve and change. This friendship may provide your SO's daughter with a wonderful opportunity. So, why are you complaining exactly? I don't know you, but you 'sound' insecure and completely off base to think they shouldn't be talking more frequently when there is a potential business relationship either with her or her daughter.
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    2011-02-13 2-16-04-

    Seems to be your issue Some people need time apart after a relationship before they can become friends. Perhaps 4 years was the time they needed. If she is open and honest with you, whats the issue? You say you are not jealous, but it appears you are a bit. If you don't like it, tell her you don't like it and you are jealous. That may or may not end your relationship with her, depending on if she determins its OK for you to pick her friends and business partners.
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  • lapeyrouse

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    2011-02-22 5-27-34-

    You are wrong to say that her talking to an ex is on its face disrespectful to you. It isn't. Relationships can also be friendships. A breakup may mean simply that people decide they cannot be romantic partners. It may or may not involve hurt, and if it does, the hurt can heal and the friendship remain. My first GF hurt my feelings and behaved badly, but I still would like to know how she is doing. She is a good musician and so am I, so I would welcome the opportunity to do a project with her. Sex would not enter into it. My DW would have no reason for concern. My DW recently got a from her first husband. They had a cordial conversation and got caught up on each other's lives. She bears him no ill will. She was glad to know he has had a good life since they broke up.
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  • muska

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    2011-03-20 7-06-54-

    I agree with you Is she being naive do you think? The occasional hi how are you is okay but breaking into business deals and such?? Especially when none of them have panned out? This could be very shaky ground for you, be careful. Don't come off as a jealous jerk but I would explain to her how uneasy this is making you. I am sure if the tables were turned she would be feeling the same.
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  • runck

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    2011-05-14 10-14-02

    by all means, let them work together I'm sure there won't be any long late evenings where they will be working together, alone and the guy won't try to make a move. im sure of it
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  • seaberg

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    2011-07-14 9-17-05-

    sounds like he wants her back, or at least wants her now that someone else does. nothing to stir the flames of ardor like a rival! Just tell her it's making you uncomfortable. She'll tell him , and that should be that. How do I feel about my exes? Ambivalent. I don't with them harm or well. In every case I feel that I dodged a bullet
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  • benigna

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    2011-08-26 6-18-12-

    I don't know if it's intentional disrespect But if it makes you that uncomfortable you should calmly and reasonably tell her why this makes you uneasy. You should probably find some way to express the unease that doesn't come across as making it sound like you don't trust her or like you hate him. Perhaps working with them on the business deal might make you comfortable? Be sure to offer her solutions other than ceasing communication with him.
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    2011-10-14 16-32-15

    I think it depends on a few factors at least this is what I have come to see. Did they leave on good terms and how long were they together ? A long term and not so happy ending would make me a little nervous. Kind of like he is trying to rekindle older times with using business measures as a ploy. If that is the case , I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all. Just me. Is he married or have a GF ? FInd out , maybe that will ease your fears. I have had x of my ex's around my current bf this past summer. Never thought twice about anything. They are such good friends to me. He could have cared less as well. We have bbq'd with his ex-wife. Is she doing things or acting differently since having contact with the ex ? Sometimes intuition is a very good thing to have. Keep your eyes open without smothering.
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  • Gaal

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    2011-12-06 14-35-03

    Go beat his ass, tell him she is yours.
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