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Pages: What are the odds of a relationship surviving... [1]
Author Topic: What are the odds of a relationship surviving...

Hero Member
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2011-02-08 19-57-07

What are the odds of a relationship surviving... ...when persons family is absolutely dead set against it? Even going so far as saying "you do not love her" as if they can just TELL her who she does and does not love? Am I crazy in thinking this could ever work out when an entire family hates the idea of me and makes it known?
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Full Member
Posts: 4

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2011-02-11 15-00-23

Why would you let others determine your happiness?
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  • farve

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    2011-02-13 2-03-14-

    I'm not letting anybody control anything. She is.
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    Sr. Member
    Posts: 5

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    2011-02-14 21-34-19

    It was rhetorical.
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    Posts: 1

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    2011-02-26 4-53-11-

    I realize that now. Apologies for being an ass. I think my freak out level has clouded my ability to understand things!
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  • ellwanger

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    2011-02-27 3-50-38-

    No problem. Do you talk about this? And, the usual advice, have you considered couples therapy to work through this?
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    2011-03-27 13-38-13

    It's not about she and I it's about her and her family who basiy turns a blind eye to the entire situation unless they are criticizing her/it. She wouldn't even acknowledge then they knew anything until recently and it's been going on for x years.
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  • zelinsky

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    2011-05-06 17-44-59

    But it is about you and her if you think your relationship can't survive it.
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  • coty

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    2011-07-13 7-57-40-

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  • miron

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    2011-08-24 22-16-46

    Both I think. I think they think I turned her gay so they automatiy hate me over it.
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    Hero Member
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    2011-10-13 1-33-44-

    move away from them
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    Hero Member
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    2011-10-20 13-10-25

    I agree I get along much better with my family now that they don't live nearby. And they influence my moods far less, too, because they can't drop by to judge or ask for money.
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    2011-12-15 12-40-40

    That takes some Heuvos... Asking for money AND being judgemental.
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    2012-02-06 2-01-09-

    Not good unless you both decide to change things
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    Sr. Member
    Posts: 19

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    2012-04-17 21-57-10

    surviving or thriving? I think the majority of relationships can survive, though most require a loss of self and self-sacrifice (which -imo- is never worth it). I also think the majority of relationships that thrive are a result of both parties being equally committed to themselves, each other, and the success of the relationship -communicating openly to that end. It is very much so about you and her. If she's stated to the effect that despite her family's blatant opposition, she is committed to you and the relationship; I'd say the odds are very favorable. If her steadfastness is wavering by familial influence, I'd say odds are you're in for some rough waters.
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  • irvin

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    2012-07-30 22-10-59

    No, she's never stated that. She's in love with me, wants to be with me, blah blah, but knows that even though her family will eventually come to terms with it, they will never really accept it and that will make her crazy.
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    2012-08-22 7-37-32-

    She can't change how they think/feel but if it's making her crazy, a good counselor can help her change how she reacts to them.
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    2012-11-04 5-22-19-

    My thoughts exactly.
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    2012-12-25 5-32-23-

    I agree with IWT about couples therapy. Best of luck!
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  • Lisetta

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    2013-02-14 2-12-46-

    Their opinion should have no bearing on either of you. If your partner is allowing a third party to affect her relationship with you, then she has some work ahead of her. Meanwhile, the family's behavior is absolutely inappropriate. Stay the hell away from them. Your partner needs to develop the skills to do the same, unless they decide to comport themselves like decent human beings.
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  • macartney

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    2013-03-28 13-58-23

    well said. +x
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    Posts: 25

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    2013-05-27 14-21-49

    I agree....I do NOT love by committee!
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    2013-06-04 1-12-25-

    She's an adult. She can stay away from them. And if they insist on stalking her, that's even worse. I now resort to my default position on most of these kind of advice-seeking posts: therapy is indicated. Boundaries are clearly an issue here.
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  • Susan

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    2013-06-09 9-15-28-

    And I actually feel that asking some.. stay away from their family isn't really right.
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    2013-08-10 7-29-26-

    Counseling, then. Honestly. It's an effed up situation, and it doesn't sound as if your girlfriend is setting the kind of boundaries required in an adult relationship. If she won't go, you should. But ideally, you both should. Am I right about this? I dunno. I don't know either of you.
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  • Minna

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    2013-10-11 13-20-53

    I really feel the situation is out of my control ...and she just has to deal with it. I don't think it's going to end well for me (she has other issues) but time will tell. Thanks to all who commented/offered advice. It's very much appreciated particularly considering I don't know anyone who's gone through this before.
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    Hero Member
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    2013-11-09 11-50-26

    The more you post, the more counseling begins to sound like more than just a good idea.
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  • cancio

    Posts: 27

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    2013-11-21 14-56-00

    Maybe for me ...not for her and most certainly not for "us" being that she's at home with the crazy family and has refused to return my s for x days now. I guess i was right about it not ending well for me!
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