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Pages: If I was told I was dad for 7 years, can they [1]
Author Topic: If I was told I was dad for 7 years, can they

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2011-08-15 14-06-17

If I was told I was dad for x years, can they I have a x year old girl. I divorced mom when she was x for infidelity, I had no idea this had been going on since before we were hastily married (because she was pregnant.) Over NYE my daughter told me that her mother had told her that I am not her real daddy, and now her mother is trying to get me to allow her stepdad, who might actually be her biological dad as well, to adopt her. I have been paying support this whole time, paying more as my income increased without court orders. We haven't been to court at all since the original divorce when I got every other weekend visitation, which usually turned out to be xx a month or even every weekend so mom could go out more. Now she wants me to take a paternity test and regardless of the results bow out of the 's life and let her fiance adopt her. Even if the is not biologiy mine, I've spent x years loving and nurturing her and can't let go. If its found that she is not my daughter biologiy, could I still get visitation? I have phone records showing she's ed me for at least a half hour a day for the last x years, I've been sending support, and I have her at least every other weekend, usually more, and a few weeks in the summer. Can I just refuse to take a paternity test? If I am found to not be the father, can they just take her away from me? I have a squeaky clean record, never arrested, no drugs, no violence, nothing. I think she's doing this now because I recently got a job transfer to move closer to them, I was commuting x.x hours each way to visit her before. I told her at the divorce I would get full custody at some point and I think she realizes that day is coming. lots more info here
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Posts: 16

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2011-10-01 2-22-53-

Your DAU told you this? Not the mom?
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  • brzycki

    Posts: 11

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    2011-10-15 17-48-47

    Yes, I'm pretty sure mom told her to We were watching TV on NYE and she just said that babies were made from a mom's egg and a dad's sperm, and then because she didn't come from my sperm I wasn't really her daddy but she wishes I was.
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  • colen

    Posts: 23

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    2011-12-16 9-19-48-

    ^^^^^^this is ABUSE^^^^ Not even being sure herself, she told her daughter that the man she's ed daddy for x years is not her daddy and then asked her to tell him? Where's a lynch mob when we need it?
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  • carnahan

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    2012-01-11 19-35-28

    In colordo you are the father. I have a very similer issue. I found out my daughter was not mine until she was three. Fuck up shit, but better off now. x sure.
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    2012-01-20 12-29-59

    Yes...if you're not the sperm donor you're out. Just so you know...women do this all the time...pick up the role of mommy to raise someone else's kid with no help, no thanks, and no support. And x% of the time the step-moms get screwed over. Enjoy's the new do right and you get screwed.
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  • callicoat

    Posts: 19

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    2012-03-28 4-15-07-

    Not in CO.
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  • edrea

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    2012-04-21 23-56-38

    It's not going to happen....
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  • phuong

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    2012-06-05 19-26-28

    No good deed goes unpunished dontchyaknow?
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    Posts: 42

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    2012-07-09 15-51-30

    Yep...and people who continually and systematiy slam good people (based on their gender alone) stop the wheels of kindness from turning. Good job, JoeDick.
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  • lancour

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    2012-10-04 8-06-42-

    You give me far to much credit. :)
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  • Anthia

    Posts: 32

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    2012-11-05 13-10-59

    I'm assigning to you that which you want... I've fucking killed myself for a kid that's not mine, that I have no rights to, that I adore....wanna talk about sacrifice? Real Mommy was really busy doing coke while Real Daddy had lots of "hobbies." When his "real" mama couldn't handle him or needed help...guess who she ed to take off from work? Not Daddy... When Real Daddy had shit to do or wanted a fucking nursemaid...guess who stayed home from work to pitch in? Not Real Mommy... I have another son who I have at least x% of the time...more 'cause daddy's busy...and have never taken a fucking dime from...but you know what? Maybe it's time for me to understand that Papa needs to start paying...I've taken all this responsibility on've proven to me that,'s a gender war. He should pay CS and SS...and I guess I've been alone in the x or x percentile. Fuck it. I'm tired of struggling. Let Papa clean my LL's bathroom for a rent reduction...Let Daddy build a college fund for the kid he had with some slut...not my problem...right?
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    Posts: 34

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    2012-12-26 19-06-13

    Hey sweetie, I see it every day. Wifey is in that boat with me as we speak. But daddy's only hobby is discussion I have tried to learn that the love you give away is a gift, not a loan. you are the better for the sacrifice's you have made,and so are those boys.
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  • peiser

    Posts: 41

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    2013-02-20 2-59-39-

    you are so self centered The op was not talking about you. Must you turn everything around to fit your situation? He was talking about NOT knowing the kid had a different daddy. You were aware, when you signed up for the job, that the son had his own mommy, no? Did you really think you would become his mother?
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    Posts: 21

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    2013-03-30 22-55-02

    not entirely true Some judges see best interests of the . An emotional bond has been formed, and if "dad" has been "dad" there is some hope. Im rooting for the op
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  • mankin

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    2013-04-19 4-30-32-

    The world sucks Since you have a court ordered visitation schedule, and support, she won't want a paternity test. She is lying. If it comes out that you are not the father and she lied, she can be prosecuted. Most Family court judges look at the 's best interest. If mom has any history of drug abuse or the new "dad" has a criminal record, this could blow up in their faces altogether. You are her dad. Blood means nothing. Fight for her, and your right to her. She needs somewho will fight for her, and not their own selfish needs.
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    Posts: 31

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    2013-08-08 21-05-46

    Bullshit. Blood means everything. Try it...see how far you go...xK later OP will still be spinning his wheels.
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  • merck

    Posts: 46

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    2013-10-09 1-04-44-

    So your saying give up on his ? Turn her over to the selfish bitch that is her mother and let her fuck her up? make her a bad person because mom is a lying slut? At least fight for her to show her she is worth some thing to some Sad that the world sees things this way.
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  • Saeed

    Posts: 39

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    2013-10-09 19-00-40

    Talk to Joe Dick about all that. I did my part.
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    Posts: 13

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    2013-10-28 6-39-07-

    @stinksxbanorphan Ya know I am so sorry for you. It must hurt to be that angry all the time.
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    Posts: 44

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    2013-10-31 5-25-03-

    Thanks....I'm not this angry often. I understand where you're at because for the past x years that's where I've been. It's a tough spot. I wouldn't change it...but you have to accept that you are really putting yourself in a tough spot. I don't blame's what I would do... are the only reason the sun comes far as I'm concerned.... I just wish that it was understood that some women go above and beyond as well.
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  • ballowe

    Posts: 77

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    2013-11-27 10-36-08

    take a pill, Orph you're losing your grip. are not always rewarding. usually that is because that whole business of growing up can be kind of ugly in patches, sometimes it is because of other stuff-like death, or disease, or divorce. Your STBX is a loser, as is his X. Did you act right? Well, yeah. I probably would have liked you as my kid's step mom. But what you did hasn't disappeared. The game ain't over, and at the very least you contributed to giving that kid a chance at being a little less fucked up than he might have been. Now go get some sleep, and stop deluding yourself that you don't have time for a therapist.
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    Posts: 62

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    2013-12-10 2-12-22-

    From what I have researched it could go either way. You are correct about the money though, The lwyers will drain him. In the majority of these cases the is still very young,at this point the father relationship has been formed and a judge will be unlikely to remove him.
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    Hero Member
    Posts: 35

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    2013-12-22 10-21-48

    Stop conflating this with your own situation You're doing the guy a disservice. He has a very good chance of maintaining at least what he has now, if not more. He does need to lawyer up, though.
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    Posts: 20

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    2014-01-02 21-05-12

    Even if I'm not the father? I'm so terrified of loosing her I can't even look it up, I'm already in the worst, well only nervous breakdown ever just thinking it could happen. Thank you. I'm just going to try to go get her on Friday, and if that doesn't work I don't know what I'll do. I've already got a psychologist ready for an hour after pickup to try to talk her about this. I used to talk to her a half hour a day but she's (for the first time ever) grounded off the phone for being "mouthy." I think she's being mouthy about wanting to talk to her dad. Whatever the case, I think the psychologist will help me make this as easy on her as possible and make sure she understands I love her no matter what forever.
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  • Heinz

    Posts: 4

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    2014-01-04 7-07-26-

    You are the father legally and morally and byyears of practical behavior. It counts. Lawyer up. Never trash the mom. Always support that relationship. Get your orders in hand, and assert your parenting time rights.
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    Posts: 25

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    2014-01-11 6-41-31-

    you are the father Stinks situation has nothing to do with you. She was her son's stepparent. She was never lied to and told she was his mom. She is delusional if she ever thought she was. He had a mom all along. Now, her stepson is fully grown. Nobody is pulling a from her. She just can't let go. Fight for your daughter. You have rights. As her father.
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    Posts: 48

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    2014-01-14 14-40-59

    She wants me out of the s life I told her when we got the divorce I would have at least half, probably full custody, before she hit middle school but since she was a toddler I thought she needed to be with her mother more. She really does want me to do the paternity test, because she thinks now that the baby belongs to the man she cheated on me with who she is still seeing.
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  • benoni

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    2014-01-20 10-42-55

    Lawyer up And assert whatever rights you are granted in the existing orders. Don't waste your energy on your feelings about this, use your energy to secure your relationship with your daughter. She needs you more than she ever did.
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